NCP Force! - Untitled Page

This page is devoted to all those who suffer along with divorced dads and non-custodial parents as they a put through the meat grinder of America's abusive family law system. We are speaking of the second wives. The children of divorce. The grandparents cut off from grandchildren. And the relatives and friends of non-custodial parents who've had to sit by helplessly by while their love ones have been mercilessly mistreated by our courts and by our government.

If you fit any of the above categories, here now is a chance for you to tell your story. Please fill out the convenient form below and we will be happy to post your story on our website.

California

"Dear Father -- Forty four years ago I was six and you were my daddy: I loved and adored you for you were the best daddy that a child could hope for. You had infinite patience, seemingly infinite knowledge and made me feel supremely secure in your presence even in the perilous Nevada desert where we lived.

One year later I was seven and no longer had a daddy; no longer had love or security. My mother had taken me from you through divorce; thereby depriving me of all that you had to offer in such great measure.

You are no longer of this world but I am writing this letter anyway because I feel a compelling need to say what I lacked the understanding to say while you were of this world. I also hope that my writing of my experiences as a child of divorce may help deter other mothers from inflicting this insidious form of child abuse upon their own children. I also feel great guilt for not acknowledging, during your lifetime, the great pain that you also must have felt upon our forced separation. I did not understand the agony that you must have experienced until I too became a father and had my child taken from me through divorce.

For the first six years of my life I was with you constantly as you roamed the deserts and mountains of Nevada. During those six formative years you instilled in me qualities which would serve me well for the rest of my life. You instilled in me a sense of wonder, an appreciation of beauty, you were my idol, a standard against which I could measure myself. The older I get the more I appreciate what you gave me those first six years and the more I lament that it was only six short years. I became very strongly attached to you; so much so that my separation from you was very traumatic. After divorcing you, my mother took me, moved far away and married a cowboy just out of prison for murder. She desperately needed a man to control me because she was no match for my rebellion over being kept from you. My longing for you was never broken in spite of my stepfather's efforts to beat me into submission. My new stepfather was a product of a broken home himself, which may help explain his many vices which stood in stark contrast to your many virtues. After the divorce I seldom ever saw you because of my mother's desperate efforts to destroy my love for you. Her efforts only succeeded in destroying any love I may have had for her. Besides a childhood spiritually impoverished there was also material poverty. My mother never missed an opportunity to remind me that you refused to pay child support and she blamed our poverty on you. Even as a seven-year-old I knew deep down that the reason we were poor was because my mother refused to let you care for me. Had you paid child support it likely would only have bought more whiskey for my stepfather, causing him to beat me even more. In any case, your paying child support could not have compensated in any way for the spiritual impoverishment occasioned by your forced absence.

Nearly forty years later, when my wife divorced me and took my daughter: I was devastated. I then felt a desperate need to know how you felt when I was taken from you, so I went to the courthouse where my mother sued you for divorce. There I looked up the records of the divorce. I was apprehensive, not knowing what I might find in those dusty records. I was very greatly relieved to discover that you had vehemently opposed the divorce and that you had fought very hard to preserve our family and to defend our rights as father and son. My life long suspicion, that my mother had been lying to me about you, was confirmed. One item in the court order that caught my eye was that the judge had ordered you not to ever discuss the divorce with me and you never did; to my detriment, for I spent forty years doubting my faith in you. But by what you had prudently put in the public record I finally knew for certain that you were indeed worthy of my adoration, but now I feel an even deeper sense of loss for not being allowed to benefit from your great love and wisdom.

I can find only one fault with you: you and most of the other divorced fathers of your generation did not oppose the kidnapping and extortion resulting from divorce with sufficient force to put an end to such barbaric practices. Rather, many of your generation actually rewarded such atrocities by paying attorney fees, alimony and the most pernicious of all, "child support". The result was to encourage lawyers and feminists to take your grandchildren from your sons. I am ashamed to admit that my generation of divorced fathers, including me, are no better. We, the fathers of divorced children, are now so numerous that if we spoke as one we could force an immediate halt to the atrocities committed "in the best interest of the child". But alas, no single, strong voice rings out in defense of our children with the likely result that your grandchildren will suffer the same fate."

-- JK

Georgia

"My son has been put through the wringer by his ex-wife in West Virginia. She wants to see him in jail and tell lies about his employment, and refuses to let him see his child even though he has class A visitation. He moved to Georgia to work and pay his child support, and she had the case moved here. He lost his job in March and he informed child support of this. He was told to "go to a fast food restaurant and demand that they give him a job" or he was going to go to jail. The Bureau of Child Support Enforcement in Williamson, West Virginia, has already taken his driver's license and he has two tickets because he got caught driving to work. The family law judge told him he "didn't care if his new family, with a small child of age 1 1/2, didn't eat or have a roof, or lived under a bridge". The judge told him that he shouldn't have had another child knowing that he owed back child support. He is married now and supports (when he has a job) a stepson."

-- Jean

"Child support took my husband's drivers license 5 years ago. This was just as he started a new job, therefore he had to drive back and forth to work without a driver's license. At the time, we couldn't afford for me to drive him and pick him up everyday, like we do now. He got caught a few times but got lucky with only a ticket. Now that we live in another state, he won't drive because he's afraid of getting pulled over. So now I have to get my 3-year-old child out of bed at 6 AM every Monday to Friday just to take my husband to work, and then we must go pick him up in the evening which makes it hard for me to obtain a full-.time job. And its very, very hard to survive with just one person working in this economy."

-- Shanna

Kentucky

"My name is MJ. My son K is 14. His father Lloyd lives in Virginia and we live in Kentucky. I have full custody of K and Lloyd gets him all of Christmas break and every summer from beginning to end.

We moved to Kentucky when Chris was 5 and I was granted $500.00 a month in child support in May of 2000. His father didn’t pay anything until I hired an attorney flew back to Virginia and took him to court again for non support. He paid me $3000 that day and I agreed to reduce his child support from $500.00 a month to $300.00 because he said he couldn’t afford to pay. He then paid me sporadically. He wouldn’t make a payment every month but if I called and said Chris needs new clothes or shoes he would send me a couple hundred dollars for those things. He continued to get Chris regularly for Christmas and the summers over the years and called regularly.

In 2009 Lloyd started promising that he sent checks that never came so on the advice of other people that have had the same problem, I decided to go to the Division of Child Support Enforcement to request help in obtaining the $26,970.00 in back child support that I was owed.

I was told that I didn’t have to do anything anymore -- that DCSE would handle the case and they would take him to court for me and they would also take his tax returns to pay for support. I naively thought that Lloyd would get a court date and he would try to start paying again. I had an appointment with DCSE on 4/15/09 at 3:30 in the afternoon.

On 4/29/09 I received a call from Lloyd’s wife stating that Lloyd had been handcuffed and arrested in front of their 3-year-old daughter on a warrant from KY. WHAT??? I was stunned! This was not my intention! Not only does Lloyd have a wife and a 3-year-old to support, his elderly father that is dying also lives with them.

I’m not saying he shouldn’t pay child support because I definitely need the money, but what I am saying is how could arresting him possibly solve any issues?

I thought DCSE always had the best interest of the child in mind. How does this help my son? If he can’t work then I’m definitely not going to be receiving any child support. Even if he wasn’t giving him support he loves his son and he wants to be active in his life.

He is still sitting in jail as of 5/12/09 waiting to be extradited to Kentucky. He hasn’t even had a court date. They didn’t ask him to pay. They didn’t ask him if he could pay, they didn’t even ask him if he had a job. They handcuffed him, threw him in a car, and drove away!

So now he’s sitting in jail, I still have no support and my son has no access to his father. I immediately called DCSE and asked them what could be done to drop my request for child support enforcement assistance. They said there was nothing I could do now that it was already done.

After speaking with my son’s step-mother and calling around some more, we found out this was not exactly the truth. On the morning of 5/9/09 I decided to go to the office of DCSE to try and get a straight answer. The receptionist was astonished when I asked her how to drop my request for child support enforcement assistance. She immediately asked me if someone was harassing me. I replied no and explained that I was unaware that this is how the process worked and explained Lloyd’s situation. I also explained that I couldn’t receive child support if his father was in jail. She stated that even if she knew how I could drop the request she didn’t suggest that I do it. She then went into an office and retrieved my case worker to let him know what I was planning on doing. He then came out and berated me for wanting to drop the request telling me that it costs $7,000 to extradite Lloyd to KY and asking if I was willing to pay that money back in order to drop the request. I explained that Lloyd had not been extradited to KY yet and that is why I was trying to stop this as quickly as possible.

I grew agitated very quickly and asked if there was a reason why I was given the third degree. I explained that I was under the impression that if I filed the request I should also be able to withdraw the request as we’ve never gone through DCSE prior to the first time I stepped foot in the office on 4/15/09. He finally told me that I could go talk to the County Attorney at the Court House to see if there was anything she could do.

So, I immediately drove over to the court house and found the County Attorney’s office. The receptionist there had no idea what I needed to do either. She advised me that she had never heard of anyone wanting to withdraw a request for support. She made some calls and eventually had me fill out an affidavit requesting that the request be dropped. I asked her questions about how long the process could take and she said to try to call the County attorney the following day to try and get answers. I did just that.

When I spoke to the County Attorney it was just like speaking to the people at DCSE. She repeated all the same things that they already told me but added that Lloyd was facing a minimum of 5 years due to the amount of money he owed. It is now a felony. She also said that she would approve the request against her better judgment but that I would still have to go in front of a judge either this Friday coming or the next Friday and explain why I want the request dropped. She said in the mean time if Lloyd is extradited the judge probably will not agree to drop the request because it will cost the state 7,000 to extradite him. I asked if he could be granted a stay until the hearing. She said that was not an option.

I honestly think they want him to be extradited so the judge will not let me drop the request. How is this process fair or just for anyone? Everyone is losing here, me, my son, the state, his wife and daughter. Why is the court system pushing this? Don’t I have a voice as the custodial parent? Where is the justice? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!"

Mississippi

"Judge Grant, ordered my husband to pay back child support to his ex-wife, even though his son's custody had been removed from his mother and placed with my husband by the Rankin County Juvenile Court in September 2006. Judge Grant threatened to incarcerate my husband and gave us no credit for our expenses related to my stepson. Judge Grant also found my husband in violation of the court order when he ceased paying half of his ex-wife's house payment after learning that she was co-habitating with another man in the presence of the children. By the way this other man has a criminal record for possession and distribution of crack cocaine for which he served time in the Mississippi State Penitentiary.

My husband works 7 days a week, two different jobs -- one at night. His son needs $4328.00 worth of dental work, that according to the dentist, if we don't do this work he is in "very real danger of losing his teeth." My husband and I live simple lives, we live in a small trailer with a house payment of $464.00 monthly. We do not incur debt, and we make a combined total of 70,000 a year. We are now behind 2 months on our house payment. Meanwhile, his ex-wife drives a vehicle that we are still paying for. She shows no concern for her son, nor any intention to help with some of the costs. We are forced to continue to work 24/7 to give $1045.00 monthly to her out of my husband's income, not to mention the health, dental, and vision insurance that comes out of his paycheck. Judge Grant made no attempt to look at any of these factors, nor did he care. This is a split-custody case determined by the juvenile court and upheld by Judge Grant himself.

The ex-wife in this case has made all of the decisions. She works for the state and has access to health insurance, but does not cover her child. Judge Grant even admonished her for failing to comply with the divorce decree, but still held my husband responsible for half her house payment and the full amount of child support dating back to September of 2006, which comes to a grand total of $22,000.00 arrears. He also awarded her $1400.00 attorney's fees. My parents had to withdraw money from their retirement in order to prevent my husband from going to jail."

-- Disgusted in Mississippi

Nevada

"My son is going through a divorce. He is a good father and works hard to provide for his family. When he went to court, the judge went in favor of the wife gave her full custody of the children. He gets to see his kids for 3 hrs. one day of the week and two days every other week. The judge gave her alimony and he pays all the insurance, and also child support which comes to around $2000.00 a month. She has a good job and makes almost as much as he does. These judges don't take the fathers into consideration at all. What kind of justice system do we have in this country? They have torn my son apart. She has the right if she wants to move to another state with the kids, and he will only get to see them two weeks out of the year. I, as a grandmother, have also lost my grandkids in this divorce because the judge only listens to my son's ex-wife side. Judges don't have the right to destroy somebody's life. I am so aggravated that so many fathers get put into this position and feel they can't go on with life. They have lost everything they have worked so hard for, and a judge takes everything away from them. I don't know what to do but I have to do something to help these fathers."

-- Grandma

New York

"I am the wife of a father that went through a nasty divorce. The games I have endured over the past 9 years by this woman are ridiculous. I have never in my lifetime had hatred for anyone more than I do this woman. She manipulates her daughter. She has told lies about me and her father. She keeps wanting more and more money. She refuses to pay for any extracurricular activities for her daughter unless it is what she wants her to do. She works for a major utility company as a manager. She makes approximately $50k and has a rental property where she receives rent from 2 tenants as well as getting child support from us. From her tax statement, from the last time she took us back to court for more money, she was pulling in somewhere around $72k. Not to mention she bought a new 2,000 square foot house and has used the child support to buy new furniture and accessories. And we have the child 50% of the time! We live paycheck to paycheck while this horrible excuse for a person lives the highlife. It's time for a major change. I will go to my local senator, write a letter to the president... whatever it takes. People like her need to stop taking advantage of the system and the system needs to use people like her as an example for change."

Texas

"My son has been kept from his only child (my only granchild) for over 6 years due to a false accusation of domestic violence. He was threatened by the prosecutor that if he didn't plead guilty he'd never see his child again, and they'd make his life Hell. They have certainly done that as he has continued to refuse to say he is guilty of something he is innocent of. They hate it when any man tries to refute these false allegations, and punish him for doing so.

He was refused requested trial for nearly 3 years. Even though all charges were later dismissed after the mother admitted she lied, the damage will never be repaired, and she wasn't even reprimanded. They even falsely put the reason on the dismissal form as "A witness did not appear" instead of the fact that it was a false accusation and malicious prosecution -- she lied. They cover their tracks in a way that makes it impossible for the falsely accused male to ever get justice. There's not even any court record or judge's notes of some of the motions he's filed in the past, trying to get something done about denied visitation and the fact that he's never even informed of an address or phone number for his child.

My son was unfairly kept from his only child for years, and is still kept from him. Her divorce attorney has only to walk into court and announce to the judge that my son was accused of violence, and his parental rights and visitation orders are not enforced. It doesn't matter that it was her lie. Her divorce attorney is pro-bono from the local "women's domestic violence center" that runs the entire system here. They fight to keep my son from his child even though their "client" admitted lying and was the actual perpetrator, even though she has been jailed for possession and delivery of drugs, even though they have seen proof that my grandchild lives in abuse, neglect and was abandoned by her.

What kind of place represents and lies for criminals, liars, drug addicts/dealers just because they're female, to the knowing detriment of a child?

My son has had to search for his children several times before, but without the judge being willing to enforce any orders it's useless to continue to try.

He now lives in debilitating depression and has become suicidal. He's in arrears of child support and will be jailed soon for that. Including back support that put him instantly in arrears for time during which his son lived with him, not her. In his state of depression I'm scared to death of what may happen. Every day is pure hell for all of us. None of us will ever feel whole again or be able to believe in the corrupt American (IN)justice system.

I can only pray for my family, and that those responsible will themselves one day feel the vast pain they've caused."

Washington

"A few months ago my husband received paperwork from the state informing him that his child support had been reviewed and raised from $200 a month to $300 and he was also being charged back support to the tune of $10,000 dollars. The only problem is my husband has always paid his child support through automatic payroll deduction since the order was established nearly 10 years ago. This made absolutely no sense to either of us since the state already has access to take money directly from his paycheck. Why would they just sit there and let him build up arrears? We later found out that his ex had been getting housing assistance for the past 8 years, which was news to us, and she had been kicked off of it when the state finally investigated the income of the father of her other two children. I had questioned my husband about why there was no child support order through the court for this other man and he said that his ex had told him that the other father helps out in "other ways where it's needed". My husband naively decided that it was best for him not to push the issue since his ex had a tendency to stop his parental time whenever he questioned her actions. Well, he should have been concerned because now we are stuck 10 grand in debt that, under the Bradley Amendment, is going to repay the state for the fraud she committed. When I looked into getting a court hearing to contest these arrears, I learned that once the court declares the back support there's nothing you can do! What ever happened to Due Process? My husband was never even given a chance to defend himself. The only thing that eases me even slightly is that, had he been offered his day in court, we wouldn't have been able to afford a lawyer or any other fees since the state promptly started garnishing half of his paycheck.

I am in school and only make enough money to get by; my husband makes $11 an hour so we were already living at the absolute edge. Because of his ex's debt to the state, we were evicted from our apartment and forced to move in with my parents. His arrears have gone on his credit report and I have no credit history, which means we were denied for every apartment we've applied for and my parents eventually had to put their credit on the line and co-sign for us. Now they are threatening to take away my husband's driver's license. Are my parents supposed to take on the responsibility of driving him to work too? I have never in my life been confronted with such cognitive dissonance by government, an entity that is inherently supposed to be based on logic. The Bradley Amendment and other carelessly thought out laws have effectively managed to destroy a hard working, responsible caring father. It allowed the state to steal thousands not only from him, but also on multiple innocents who don't want to see their loved one living in a box under a bridge.

I'm sure you may have noticed by now that in all the hundreds of words written above there was one important thing missing: what about my husband's child? Isn't that what all of this nonsense is about? Well, I can say that because of the Bradley Amendment and other ridiculous policy, the state has managed to cause a once healthy, bonded father-son relationship to be rendered non-existent. For some reason the state feels it is acceptable to take half the income of a person who is already straddling the poverty line, plus expect that person to still fulfill their responsibilities as a parent. Between the two of us we can barely even fulfill the responsibility of rent. So, traveling 4 hours to where his son lives is out of the question. My husband's ex flat out refuses to bring him to us, claiming it is not "her responsibility". I believe he could take her to court to force her to pay for a least a portion of traveling expenses, but like everything that's in the best interest of the child, this costs money. For my husband, this money is already being forcefully taken from him to pay back a debt that is not his."

-- Christine

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